Couples counseling in Nashville, Knoxville and Memphis: how to find the right therapist

1. Check that couples counseling is safe for you

If your partner hurts you, threatens you, or controls where you go, who you see or how you spend money, couples counseling can make things more dangerous. The National Domestic Violence Hotline doesn’t recommend couples counseling with an abusive partner. Individual support is the safer place to start.

You can reach the Hotline any time at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.

2. Decide who you want to see

Several kinds of licensed therapists see couples:

• Licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFTs) are trained specifically to work with relationships and families. In Tennessee, they’re licensed by the Board for Licensed Professional Counselors, Licensed Marital and Family Therapists and Licensed Clinical Pastoral Therapists.
• Licensed professional counselors (LPCs), clinical social workers (LCSWs) and psychologists often see couples too, especially if they’ve had extra training in it.

The license tells you a therapist can legally practice. For couples work, also ask how much of their time they spend with couples. Someone who sees couples every week will be more practiced at it than someone who sees one now and then.

3. Choose an approach

Couples therapists often name the method they use. Two you’ll see often:

• The Gottman Method grew out of research on how couples argue and repair, and starts with an assessment. Our Gottman Method guide explains the training levels and where to find a therapist.
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) looks at the emotional patterns underneath recurring fights. Our EFT guide explains EFT certification and the regional EFT groups in our states.

Many therapists combine methods. Ask them to describe what a typical session looks like. That will tell you more than the name.

When one of you isn’t sure

Sometimes one partner wants to work on the relationship and the other is thinking about leaving. Discernment counseling was designed for that situation. It’s short, usually one to five sessions, and the goal is to help the couple decide what to do next. Some therapists offer it separately from regular couples therapy.

4. Work out how you’ll pay

Insurance often doesn’t pay for couples counseling when the focus is the relationship itself, because plans pay for treatment of a diagnosed condition. Our guide Does insurance cover therapy? explains how that works.

Other options to ask about:

• An Employee Assistance Program (EAP) through either partner’s job. Many offer a few free sessions, and some include couples counseling. See our EAP guide.
• A sliding scale. Some therapists lower their fee for clients paying themselves. See How to find a therapist with a sliding scale.
• A Good Faith Estimate. If you pay yourself, you have the right to a written estimate of what your care will cost.

5. Search your city

Search your city, then choose Marriage and family therapist under provider type. You can also search counselors, social workers and psychologists and read their profiles for couples work. Many profiles come from public records and haven’t been filled in by the therapist yet, so contact the practice to confirm they see couples and have openings.

Nashville

LunahUP’s directory lists 268 marriage and family therapists in Nashville. That’s the largest group of the three cities, so you can usually afford to be choosy about approach, schedule and fit.

If you live in a surrounding county, check whether an office is a reasonable drive for both of you on a weeknight. Couples therapy usually means two schedules and sometimes two commutes. Telehealth can make that easier.

Knoxville

The directory lists 88 marriage and family therapists in Knoxville. You’ll have fewer choices than in Nashville, so it helps to decide early what matters most to you, like evening hours, a particular approach or in-person sessions.

If no one nearby fits, a Tennessee-licensed therapist elsewhere in the state can see you by telehealth.

Memphis

The directory lists 31 marriage and family therapists in Memphis. That’s a smaller pool, so you may want to look at licensed counselors, social workers and psychologists who also see couples, and at telehealth with therapists elsewhere in Tennessee.

One thing to know if you live near the state line: a therapist has to be licensed in the state where you are during the session. If you live in Southaven, Olive Branch or West Memphis, a Tennessee-only license may not cover a telehealth session from home. Ask the therapist before you book, and if you two will join from different places, make sure the license covers both.

6. Ask these questions before you book

• “How many couples do you see in a typical week?”
• “What approach do you use, and what would our sessions look like?”
• “Do you ever meet with each of us separately?”
• “How long are sessions? Are couples sessions longer or priced differently?”
• “Do you offer telehealth, and can we join from two different places?”
• “What’s your fee, and do you take insurance for couples sessions?”

The question about meeting separately matters. Some therapists do it as part of the first few sessions, and it’s good to know their rules about what’s shared between partners.

The short version

• Marriage and family therapists are trained for couples work, and many counselors, social workers and psychologists see couples too.
• Ask how often a therapist works with couples, and what a session looks like.
• Discernment counseling can help when one partner isn’t sure about staying.
• If there’s abuse, start with individual support. The Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
• Insurance often won’t pay for relationship-focused sessions, so ask about EAPs, sliding scales and a Good Faith Estimate.
• Nashville has the most choice. In Knoxville and Memphis, telehealth with another Tennessee therapist widens your options.